7.08.2009

change.

So i am writing in my blog. weird. i haven't in like months. which i am not happy about. so here i am. sitting on a bed in rochester while my brother is laying on a hospital gurney with his heart now radically different. changed. he just got done with his surgery and it went wonderfully, which i am not surprised about given the many prayers uttered for him (thank you to those who prayed and thought of him today). my poor mothers heart has been through so much and i'm so proud of her for staying strong while her son was being cut open and worked on for 6 hours. i admire her a lot. i know he doesn't understand why he has to go through this pain and change, but if it didn't happen, he wouldn't be alive. change is good.

For those of you who don't know, i have decided to transfer to msum this fall. i am going to be living at home, which isn't ideal, but drastically cheaper, and it will give me a chance to spend time with my family (especially Ian, who hopefully will be home by christmas!) and save the money i would otherwise be spending on rent and food. I am planning on majoring in Social Work and staying in moorhead until i graduate (although you never know what God has up His sleeve). You are probably wondering why. there are a lot of reasons, well more like two : money and michael. i realized that the two reasons i was at nwc was mel and jo, i absolutely love them to death, no joke, and it hurts to think about all i am going to miss not living with them. the laughing, the late nights, the talks, the cries, the dancing, the running, the studying, the praying. they have taught me so much and i admire them a lot. gosh i love them and want with all my heart to stay friends until we die. change is hard.

$ 30,000 a year is a lot to pay for school. i've always known i will never be rich, and i don't want to be. i don't think it's wise to take on a lot of debt, therefore, i am transferring. also, as michael and i are at a place where we are talking about our future together, it makes the most sense for me to be up here. not to mention it'd sure be hard to leave my best friend at the end of the summer. i am positively a better person because of michael, he is one of the greatest blessings God has given me, he makes me love Jesus more every day and i couldn't be happier. change is exciting.

sometimes i wonder when i grew up. when did i go from playing with horses and american girl dolls to paying for car repairs and working two jobs? when did life get so complicated and friendships become so much work? i feel caught in the middle, between what used to be and something to come. i feel like this is my last year as a kid. i guess i should've seen it coming, after all it tends to happen to most people by the time they hit 20. part of me screams NO!!! and the other part is so excited i think my toes might fall off. it's pretty darn crazy, this change stuff.

Jesus is just so cool. sometimes i take a step back and am amazed at the twists and turns he has taken me on, and even more amazed that he has stood by my side through it all. i know he promises to do that, but still, i have hurt him so many times, and yet he never turns away. i mean seriously, if i had a friend hurt me as many times as i hurt him with my thoughts and actions, i would have dropped them like a hot potatoe by now. not my Jesus. He is the only one who never fails. it amazes me to think of how much love he has for his bride, his people, the church, for me. all he wants is their affection and devotion - he is their lover and he wants their love back. and yet how often we turn to other loves instead of to Him our redeemer. We turn to each other for fulfillment, to our jobs for security, to our money for happiness, to our tv's, ipods, cars, computers, our STUFF to feel content, to our church rituals to feel 'religious' and to ourselves. He is constantly wooing us and drawing us back to himself, and sometimes we come and give him what he wants - our whole hearts. and other times we don't. and still he stays! he knows that he is going to get burned and rejected, scorned by many, and i don't know about you but i usually don't stay in close contact with people that repeatedly hurt me over and over. thank goodness he does. that decision to love and stay on the cross despite our rejection changes everything. nothing is the same. He changes everything.

5 comments:

  1. Danae,

    I am super excited for all the changes ahead of you! You are a strong young woman and I am excited to see what God has in store for you. Best of luck in the future!

    Sabrina K.

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  2. Danae, thanks for sharing your writing - I enjoy your style, and it's pure pleasure listening to your grown-up voice. I was just watching a video of Abbie's 6th birthday - you girls were being dressed up in lovely hats and gowns for a tea party - so precious to see who you were then and who you are now. . .I thank God for putting your family in our lives. Sue

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  3. Danae, It was such a joy for me to read your blog today! It blows my mind to think about how God does love us no matter what ! Thanks for challenging me today with your writing! I am so proud of you and how you want to be used by God - and you will be blessed for honoring Him!
    Love,
    Aunt Mary

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  4. Great blog entry! I think you're making a good choice going to MSUM to save money. You'll be very happy you made that choice after you graduate! :) I also transferred to MSUM to save money, and it was the best decision. I wonder if I would've met Ben if I hadn't transferred here. Best of luck to you!
    Kari Ahrens

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  5. So proud of you Danae, you are a woman after Gods' own heart and that is always the heart cry of a mother. I'm excited for the CHANGES in store for you, it's going to be good. Love you so much.

    Mom

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