I procrastinate. i make lists that are almost never completed. i leave my homework until the week it is due, and now that it is midterm week, everything is due and nothing is done. I complain about it and find myself stressing out and running on little sleep. I get frustrated at kids club because the kids are unruly and won't sit still long enough for me to say two words. I am getting annoyed that I haven't found a different job yet. I find myself pushing my huge novel that I am so excited to read under the bed for another week or two. I vow to start cooking real food more and find myself many times not even home over meals. I have all these beginnings of project ideas floating around in my head, that often are lost when floating around untied too long. I regret that. I have wanted to start riding horse again for the past few years, and have yet to take the initiative, I hope I actually do. I miss horses. On a positive note, I started working out again, and I am proud of myself. I told myself I would drink lots more water, and some days I do, most days I am dehydrated.

I'm not sure why I have so many wishes and so little action. I like to think of myself as a person of determination and gusto, and yet I often secretly get down on myself, thinking I am a failure for lacking to be 100% of what I want to be. I wish I could be more than I am, I want to do more for others, I want to sleep more and be healthier, I would like to pursue my hobbies and passions more, and I want to know Jesus deeper. I realize that this is not the way of the wise. I am not a failure and I know that when I think about it, but don't we all feel it sometimes? I wish I could truthfully say I am 100% satisfied with how I am.... actually, no. I do not wish that, for then I would have no dreams or goals, and what a sad way to live that would be. As my future father-in-law would say, "it's a balance." I do believe I agree. If only this homework would go away....

I need to go back to my study guide, it isn't done yet, but what's new there.

P.S. After he worked a long day Michael came by with a heart-shaped note and Starbucks coffee to cheer me up! He is the best. For real.


Make one again. The kind you made when you were little.
You will like it.


  1. sometimes i feel like i'm standing in a room that's dark all around and i can't see anything and i start to cry and complain and crumble and then a light flickers and i see you standing right next to me. that came out sort of awkward. what i'm trying to say is, i am having a similar week. thank you for reminding me i'm not alone.

  2. haha i understand totally, it encourages me to know that you are in that place too, we're not alone.

  3. I feel like I could've written this myself.

  4. Ahhhh . . . the curse of being a woman. :) I haven't cleaned my house in a month and treat myself to cereal for dinner. Fortunately, Boyd is very low maintenance.

  5. Sorry! Sabrina is the "anonymous" post!


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