2.23.2010

I procrastinate. i make lists that are almost never completed. i leave my homework until the week it is due, and now that it is midterm week, everything is due and nothing is done. I complain about it and find myself stressing out and running on little sleep. I get frustrated at kids club because the kids are unruly and won't sit still long enough for me to say two words. I am getting annoyed that I haven't found a different job yet. I find myself pushing my huge novel that I am so excited to read under the bed for another week or two. I vow to start cooking real food more and find myself many times not even home over meals. I have all these beginnings of project ideas floating around in my head, that often are lost when floating around untied too long. I regret that. I have wanted to start riding horse again for the past few years, and have yet to take the initiative, I hope I actually do. I miss horses. On a positive note, I started working out again, and I am proud of myself. I told myself I would drink lots more water, and some days I do, most days I am dehydrated.

I'm not sure why I have so many wishes and so little action. I like to think of myself as a person of determination and gusto, and yet I often secretly get down on myself, thinking I am a failure for lacking to be 100% of what I want to be. I wish I could be more than I am, I want to do more for others, I want to sleep more and be healthier, I would like to pursue my hobbies and passions more, and I want to know Jesus deeper. I realize that this is not the way of the wise. I am not a failure and I know that when I think about it, but don't we all feel it sometimes? I wish I could truthfully say I am 100% satisfied with how I am.... actually, no. I do not wish that, for then I would have no dreams or goals, and what a sad way to live that would be. As my future father-in-law would say, "it's a balance." I do believe I agree. If only this homework would go away....

I need to go back to my study guide, it isn't done yet, but what's new there.

P.S. After he worked a long day Michael came by with a heart-shaped note and Starbucks coffee to cheer me up! He is the best. For real.

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Forts.
Make one again. The kind you made when you were little.
You will like it.

5 comments:

  1. sometimes i feel like i'm standing in a room that's dark all around and i can't see anything and i start to cry and complain and crumble and then a light flickers and i see you standing right next to me. that came out sort of awkward. what i'm trying to say is, i am having a similar week. thank you for reminding me i'm not alone.

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  2. haha i understand totally, it encourages me to know that you are in that place too, we're not alone.

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  3. I feel like I could've written this myself.

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  4. Ahhhh . . . the curse of being a woman. :) I haven't cleaned my house in a month and treat myself to cereal for dinner. Fortunately, Boyd is very low maintenance.

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  5. Sorry! Sabrina is the "anonymous" post!

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