3.17.2010

So i was driving home today. the windows were down and the wind kept pulling wisps of hair around my face and sticking them to my lips. the sun beat through the sky and into my heart, so i turned up the radio. i heard worship music speak through the air and my soul began to praise. for He is good to me. my mind and arms went up to the one who loves perfectly. as Sanctus Real's song, Forgiven, came on the radio (listen to it here) my thoughts wandered to where i have come from and where He has brought me to. sometimes i find myself a prisoner to my memories and regrets swarm up to my neck, and i make myself sick. i let myself remember what i used to be and let it affect who i am today. i have gotten better at catching it and i run to Him. like a thief that comes to steal, so satan uses my thoughts to steal me away from remembering His sacrifice.

yet, i know i am not alone, and i know that i have no reason to hide. for there is nothing in me left uncovered. i am laid bare before my Creator and i have let Him search my heart. He knows me and my inmost thoughts. I have let Him take the place in center of my heart, and it has been worth it. I can see His love for me in the dark nights and sunny mornings. He has given me strength to voice shames i was scared to tell anyone.

He so graciously gave me a man who does not judge or condemn, but one who loves me as our Father does. I was scared and he picked me up and let me cry into his chest, he wiped the sticky hair off my tear soaked face and told me everything will be OK. he lifted my chin and looked into my red eyes, smeared with makeup and tears, and said that I was beautiful. and i believed him. i believe him when he says i am pretty and amazing. i believe it because my Jesus says it too. He has shown me how much He adores me. and so has he. i am so blessed.

And i know who I am today because of who He says i am. i am forgiven. when i let the only One who really matters define my own opinion of myself, i am free. there is no prison of memories, for He broke through those bars when he broke through His grave. There is only beauty, no more ashes. there is strength and confidence in who He has made me. there is love and thankfulness for who He has given me. and there is a deep joy that cannot be taken away.

(Jesus, i love you and i miss you.)

1 comment:

  1. i love it. those are some pretty amazing words with an awesome meaning.

    ReplyDelete

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