the marriage mirror.

Today has been a rough day. Michael and I have been on edge these past few days, and they are right when they say marriage is hard, it really is. Not that it comes as a surprise, we knew that, but it is still no fun none-the-less. My dad paraphrased to me over Skype something someone famous said once, that our crosses often come to us in the forms of what is near to us, in our family. Our chances to die to self come in the form of cleaning up when it isn't your turn or letting them have the last brownie square. And as my dad said, it's hard...who likes to die? But that is what we are called to do and it is plain ole hard most of the time. Marriage really shows you the ugly parts of your heart that are easy to keep hidden or not even know are there when you are single (or dating or engaged). It is a mirror. It shows you yourself and it helps you realized, man am I selfish.

It forces you to constantly think of someone else and constantly be confronted with the chance to give up your wants and needs for someone else. If there is any speck of pride or selfishness, there is no hiding it anymore. Living together is hard, and so often I find myself frustrated that I can't do things the way I used to. I am fully aware that marriage is about learning to have a life together and not separate anymore and it is indeed growing me so much, but it still doesn't feel good all the time. I know that this journey is beautiful and I wouldn't trade it for the world, the joy and love found in marriage are too great and mysterious for words to describe.

But it is true that being single is easier, but easy and hard do not mean better and worse.

Every day I get a human face and human heart that is dependent upon me to act in a way that Christ would, a chance to die to myself and lay down my pride, this marriage thing really does transform, and in a very good way if you let it.


  1. This is really beautiful, Danae. I'm noticing it in my friendships too--how important it is to lose my pride and die to myself in order to really be a friend. Thanks=)

  2. It's really cool to get to read about your processing of marriage. I'm glad God is teaching you so much through these first months. But I don't think being single would be any easier. I mean, speaking from experience, there are few easy things about this. And I think God uses singleness to root out selfishness too and it just depends on where individuals are at when He decides to trim that area of his/her character. Just a thought :)

  3. Oh wow! This is soooo true! Thank you for being so open. I have trouble finding someone to express these kind of feelings too because most everyone wants you to think they have a perfect marriage. So on days where I feel so selfish....I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this in Marriage! Thank you so much, I feel encouraged!
    Dad's are wise aren't they? When my hubs and I were engaged my dad told me...Marriage takes work, Like a job, you have to work at it to get better.
    :) And I think that noticing areas in myself that need to be surrendered{not selfish} is hard, but only making me a better wife to my husband!
    Thanks again!


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