12.14.2010

love languages

Everyone receives love the best in different ways. I think it's so awesome and interesting how different we are as humans in receiving and giving the same thing! As most of you know, the 5 most common 'love languages', made popular by Gary Chapman are: (taken from his website)

1. Words of Affirmation :
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
2. Quality Time:
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
3. Gift Giving
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
4.  Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
5. Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.


I decided to take the little quiz on his site to see what I came out as, I've always thought of myself as being a words of affirmation person, and sure enough, that one came out by far my # 1 love language. Michael is an acts of service guy, so we have to work at making sure we are giving each other love in the language that we most want to receive it in. It seems to come so naturally for me to give Michael words of affirmation when what would really serve him best would be doing some extra chores around the house. It sure would be easier to be the same love language, but having different top languages certainly stretches us and makes us be more intentional with how we treat each other!

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