10.08.2011


Most of us have mistakes that we've made. A lot of them seem to involve the other gender. We give our heart, affection, love, and bodies away to those who were not meant to have us. We ache with regret. We walk around with open wounds buried beneath our layers of "fine,""great,""over it," and "its whatever."


I, like many many of you, have made mistakes in my past years. I loved when I was not ready to, I was impatient, immature, and innocent. I let a boy become more important to me than my relationship with my God. And when things become more important than God, things in you begin to shift. Your heart becomes entangled, wrapped up in something of this world. Things of this world will fail you, hurt you, and destroy you. Jesus is a gentleman, and He does not make you love Him. He does not make you obey Him. I had chosen to take that gift of freedom and run away from it's Giver. I let my own heart guide my actions instead of Jesus'. It ended in a pile of regrets and deep pains and tears. I was hurt, left with questions, holding a shattered heart and all my young hopes of what my love story 'was supposed to be.'


I turned to the Lord who I knew was still there, waiting for me to come back. I saw His face, full of joy to have all of me again. I cried with the understanding of the pain I'd caused Him by my disobedience and defiance. I saw love and forgiveness deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky. I was overcome with a thankfulness I never had felt before.

I gave Him all my broken pieces and unknowns. I was laid bare and uncovered before Him. There was no corner of my heart to keep hidden, no door to keep closed, no actions to ignore. I was desperate to know what it felt like to hear God again and feel no shame when He spoke to me. 

I messed up still. He forgave still.

I saw in Jesus what my heart was searching for, a love to fill every inch of me, to cover all my sins, to give me life. I received from Him what no human could give me, what I could not give myself, salvation from my own nature. My nature of wayward wandering, of selfishness, of temptation, of death. I received a healing love that captured my heart and drew me away from the things of this earth.

I have received grace when I deserved not a glance. I have received so much. God gave me a husband who loves Jesus more than me, who points me to Him, and who loves me deeply despite my mistakes. I am blessed to look into the eyes of a man who knows me more intimately than any other human ever has, and see abounding grace and love looking back.

oh to grace, how great a debtor 
daily I'm constrained to be
let thy goodness, like a fetter
bind my wandering heart to thee
prone to wander Lord I feel it 
prone to leave the God I love
here's my heart oh take and seal it 
seal it for thy courts above

To think of where I have been and where I am.
Jesus forgives anything. He can heal anyone.

What can I do but say I love You Jesus.
There is none like You.

3 comments:

  1. I feel like your words were meant for me today, Danae. Thank you for your openness!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I literally just stumbled upon your blog, discovered this post, and had to tell you thank you for your reckless abandon for the Lord! Seriously. Its awesome. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. They were meant for me too :) Thanks you Danae

    ReplyDelete

I love hearing what you have to say, please share!